Celebrating Your Singleness

Celebrating is an important part of life. A chance to take a step out of the ordinary and say by ourselves or with others, “Great Job,” or “We Love You,” or even, “Happy Birthday.” It’s a confirmation of all things good. Friday night, the Coach and I celebrated all things good with an engagement dinner at Gary Danko given by two of my closest friends and their husbands. As the Coach said, it was truly one of the best culinary experiences. Gary’s partner, Greg, is a dear friend of my friend so they pulled out all the stops; champagne waiting for our arrival, tastes of exclusive items and a cake made by Gary himself. (Greg mentioned that Gary came in early to make it for the celebration. We were blown away. THANKS EVERYONE!)

The Coach said the next day how strange it was to be at the center of attention, to have our friends’ lavish toast after toast. He said, he didn’t even realize the clinking of glasses was always for us. A weird sensation to be at the center of all that love and hope. I’m different than the Coach in this way. Way different. When it’s my birthday, it’s not a day; it’s a whole month. When something insignificantly wonderful happens in my day, I say a big “thanks” out loud. (Like the cable guy just calling and saying he’ll actually be here between 10 and 12 – Hallelujah!) I relish in a chance to celebrate almost anything.

A friend from LA reminded me of this when she saw Dating With A Purpose for the first time, she said, “Travis, I always loved the fact that you never apologized for your singleness. You were never ashamed. Other ladies seem almost victimized by it. You celebrated your singleness.”

I did?

I thought more about this and saw she was right. I did not celebrate it in my early 30’s. But, as I did more work on myself, became more connected to myself, I guess I knew if I didn’t take advantage of what my singleness afforded me, I would be missing out on something. Now that I’m in a committed partnership, I see how celebrating my singleness was such an advantage. Even as I think about dinner, I have to keep the Coach in mind. Before, I only needed to decide what I wanted or needed. There is something nice in the simplicity of singleness.

I think the best celebrating of my singleness was taking myself on vacation. I know a hand full of women who do this. Are you one of them? The first big trip was to Barcelona, Spain. Business called me there for a meeting. I took myself there a week before to shop, eat and explore. I stayed at a gay men’s hotel, safest place for a single woman. One day, I met a French couple from Marseilles who used to live in my Marin town. What are the chances? Earlier the next year, I took myself to the beach, Sayulita, Mexico. I used the time to eat when I wanted to, sleep when I felt like it and spend time alone in the sun.

(Vivanista start reading here.)

There is something powerful and open in being comfortable enough to be on vacation alone. It’s not about focusing on the alone-ness, it’s about celebrating the things it gives you like your own time consciously enjoying your freedom.

Because you are confident and open enough to do this, it will show to others, you will attract others with this energy. I never went on the vacation intending I would meet someone. I intended to enjoy myself fully. By being open, I attracted the older French couple. They had me over for drinks and food. And, they were surprised by my singleness thus giving the ole’ ego a big boost. By exploring Barcelona on my own schedule, I stumbled on a vintage fabric and clothing store, most pieces dated back to the 20’s and 40’s. In Mexico, I practiced my surfing and pretended to have left my boyfriend at home when the waiters hit on me. I stepped outside of the ordinary and celebrated me.

Have you done this for yourself? Gotten out of the house and celebrated being single? Take yourself to dinner. Go on that romantic 3-day weekend to the place you’ve been eyeing. Dating With A Purpose is about dating, but first, it’s about you and cultivating an attitude of gratitude for celebrating right where you are.